Frasier and Zombies
by SomeDivineAshtray
Summary: Seattle is plagued by supernatural forces...and the Crane family gets caught right in the middle of it! please read A/N for full description.
1. The Panic Room

_A/N: Hello all, for some reason I felt the need to write another epos. Niles has a very important role in this story, but it will focus on multiple characters. Also, it'll be a crossover at some point, but the first chapters (which is basically the prologue, if that says anything about the length of this monster) have solely Frasier characters. It starts off in S3 of Frasier. (1995-1996) The storyline sort of follows the series up to that point, after which it slowly spins out of control into an AU. Even though this story is supposed to be funny, it's rated T for a reason: it will contain violence, adult themes, strong language and most of all: imagery that might be frightening to children. Please R&R, it's going to be a long story that'll cover several years in the Frasier realm..._

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_Frasier_

My name is Doctor Frasier Crane, eminent psychiatrist. After building a career I returned to my hometown of Seattle to pursue a career in radio. It also gave me an opportunity to spend more time with my family: my dear father and brother still recided there. To be honest, I wasn't prepared for what was waiting for me once my feet hit my home soil.

First of all: there was my father. My mother passed away some years ago, and he's been alone ever since. But that's not all. He got shot in the hip you know. And, him being an ex-cop, he would never admit that he needed help, until I saw so for myself. And now, he's living in my house...

Then there was my little brother Niles. What a strange little man he is. We used to be inseparable, the two of us... and now we're not. At least, with me living on the other side of the country, it's not strange that we don't see much of each other. However, he barely visited my father either. Our father, that sweet old man that needs our attention desperately since he is handicapped and misses our mother terribly. Honestly, sometimes I don't know what goes on in my brother's head. And I never got to know his wife either. It's a real shame I missed out on so much of my brother's life...

I thought once I returned to Seattle we could pick up where we left off, but nothing could be further from the truth. Niles seemed... distracted. All the time. The only person that even got the slightest attention from him was my father's home healthcare worker Daphne. I never payed much attention to this before, since I never saw him n the first place and when we did see each other we where always to busy embarrassing ourself and turning the annual christmas soiree into an utter disaster, so I never noticed this weird behavior before. Come to think about it, it's been at least a decade since I've had a decent conversation with my brother...

_Niles_

My name is Doctor Niles Crane, eminent psychiatrist. You know, not one of those quacks like my brother. Oh, he'll tell you he's eminent and even more so than I am. He doesn't even know what he's talking about. Just because he's older he gets to have all the attention. Well, now it's time to talk about me!

And I AM actually still married... For the last decade, I have been blissfully happy. I really love my wife Maris. Maris and I met when I was still in med school. She had locked herself out of her mansion when I drove by. I got out to help, and as we touched, there was a spark and the doors parted before our very eyes. I looked into her eyes and I was mesmerized. Truly mesmerized.

We saw it as a sign and have been inseparable ever since. I moved in with her after I finished my education, which her family helped pay off. It was nice to finally have a woman in my life, I wasn't much of a ladies man in prep school or at university. But she changed all that, oh my! I was nervous being with Maris, after all, I had little to no experience with women and Maris was the kind of lady that needed to be pleased, to be pleasured...

Living with Maris, I have everything my heart desires. A giant mansion, my own bedroom, a successful practice and I owe it all to this wonderful woman! Let me tell you a little bit about my house. It's not a house, it's a freaking castle! Located on the outskirts of Seattle, the estate has been property of Maris' family for generations. A stranger easily gets lost inside the house or the massive garden surrounding it. When I first moved in here after our honeymoon, it happened to me a couple of times. Maris was not very amused when I had thought that Maris' great grandmother's boudoir was a lavatory. Furthermore I had fallen ill for two weeks straight because my horror vacui, but apart from that the transition to a larger living space had been nothing but pleasant. Maris decided on separate rooms, since it is important to keep your individuality in a marriage! You know, when I help couples with marriage counseling this is often a very important factor of frustration in a marriage. Oh, my secretary Ms. Woodson always compliments me on my joyful mood. Well, there is only one woman to thank for that!

I think the reason that our marriage is still working so well, is that we allow each other this space in our relationship, both inside the house and in our personal lives. For instance: Maris is very concerned about her health. Youth is everything to her. Therefore, she is on a strict diet that consists of not much of anything. Also, she visits a health spa in California every year or so. She is always gone for weeks, which gives me time to explore the house and catch up on my paperwork for instance. I don't like it very much when Maris is gone. The house seems suddenly too big for me, and the maids seem less pleasant. Of course, they still bring me my food and drinks at the exact set time like always, but it's just not the same when she's not around.

I often wander around the house alone when she's gone. There is always something new to discover. The house is full of corners, hidden hallways, dusty addics... We should hire another maid, 13 isn't nearly enough. I always stay away from the east wing, Maris' private quarters. I respect her privacy and she does always come to me whenever she is in the mood. Still, there is a lot to be discovered. When we are together, we occasionally enjoy strolls to the garden, through Maris' hedge maze and her collection of exotic butterflies. But when she's gone and when the maids have retreated to their private quarters, a fear creeps over me and I just can't stop myself. I have been having anxiety attacks every time she's out of town. Lying alone at night, I feel so dreadfully alone, and every whisper of wind will send shivers down my spine. I'm dying to speak to my brother about this, but it seems like a private matter that I should resolve on my own. Plus, I'm a grown man, why should I be afraid in my own home?

This is what I keep telling myself. I've been telling it for over ten years. But lately...

Last night, I'm sure I heard a shrieking noise, coming somewhere from the basement. The staff had long retired to their own personal quarters and I was all alone. Hiding underneath the covers, I wanted the world around me to vanish. And more than ever, I wanted it to be day again. My pyama's slowly got drenched in my sweat and I had nowhere to go. There was a burglar in my house and I had nowhere to go! I didn't even have a panic room in this shrieking, haunted castle of mine! Sure, Maris had one but it was in her personal quarters and only she could use it when she had a bad hair day or some other cosmetic crisis! And now there was someone in my house and I was just going to accept that I was going to die and that he would rip my possessions out of my cold hands!

Slowly, I came out of bed and grabbed the first thing in my reach to defend myself: a 18th century baroque candlestick. I opened my bedroom door, and looked into the hallway. It was a cold, gaping black hole. The darkness seemed like a physical barrier between me and the rest of the world. Nevertheless, I tiptoed into the darkness, trying to be as quiet as possible. There was that screeching noise again! Or no, this was something else. Damn these old houses.

This time, it seemed to come from the attic. I traced the sound, shaking like a leaf. It led me to an old hatch door that was rarely being used. The tower of the north wing. I had been there before, but it had been months, maybe years ago. Perhaps a window had broken and someone was trying to find its way inside! The hatch door opened with a shriek of old metal, like it hadn't been opened for years, and for a second I was afraid I would be discovered. I tiptoed up the winding stairs, old and worn from centuries of use. This used to be the old spinning room back in the 19th century, Maris had told me. There is so much about her family's history that I don't know about. The door was a chink open and I peered to the hole. I wish I hadn't. I wish I had turned around and gone back to bed...

The image that I saw there sent chills up and down my spine and I was only lucky that I didn't soil myself. There was a tall, dark figure standing in front of the window, looking outside. It was a woman in a long dress, that waved in the wind that wasn't actually there. There was no light emanating from her, only darkness. Utter darkness... It was like she was but a shadow. I stared at her in awe and she didn't seem to notice, and I was pinned to the floor for minutes. There was silence, complete silence... nothing but silence, and utter stillness...stillness...

And then, something seemed to flicker in the figure standing before me. The figure still stood dead silent with only the ghostly wind dancing around her dress, but her head seemed to be moving. Slowly but surely, she turned towards me, her body only waving the imaginary wind. Her head turned a full 180 degrees without a problem, until I would have guessed she was facing me, but I still saw only a shadow..

Then, her eyes fluttered open and two fiery blue eyes stared directly at the spot where I was kneeling down. There was nothing there, no emotion whatsoever. I felt like all the joy was getting sucked out of me by her glare. Then I seemed to notice a spark inside the blue. A spark of utter hatred.. and the world started to crumble before me. I felt my knees give in and soon, her darkness seemed to surround me and I saw only black. My unconscious body fell limp against the wooden floorboards...

I woke in my bed the next day, with Martha standing on my bedside. She assured me that it had just been a nightmare. I took her explanation for the truth, I always do and she's always right. Nevertheless, I couldn't help but walk past the old hatch door that led to the attic I had dreamed about. You could tell that the servants didn't come to this part of the building that often: Everything was so dusty. It disgusted me. I should make a note of it.

But then I saw something that made me jump: fingerprints in the dust, just in front of the hatch door. It had been opened... and by someone who seemed to have the same hand size as me... It was probably one of the staff, who had been meaning to clean the attic. Even so, it got me thinking about the safety in our house. Maris loathed security guards, she trusted solely on our core staff to protect us, which they did pretty well. But these past events had shook me and I wanted to feel safe again. After all, this was my home. Maybe I should offer that safety.. as a gift? After all, she did deserve it, with my behavior lately.

That was another thing that had been bothering me: Lately my mind has been distracted from my duties as a married man. My brother Frasier moved back into town some years ago, and I have been spending much time at his place since then. He took in my father to look after him after he was shot. Maris is allergic to Eddie, you know. Which is why dad has to live at Frasier's. And that's the reason I always go there alone. The only reason. Then there is Daphne, sweet Daphne, my fathers home healthcare worker. She's a very special lady. She excites me in a way I have never known before. Before I was introduced to her, only Maris invaded my mind, nothing but Maris. A big, soothing fog of Maris... but now, when I let my guard down, Daphne creeps in there. When we I like smelling her hair, being as near to her as I could possibly be. And when I am, she blurs my mind and pierces my soul with her beauty...

That's why, I planned on a gift for Maris to keep myself busy: I hired an architect and some construction workers to build a brand new panic room. Maris already has one, but that's her private property and she doesn't want me barging in in times of crisis. Or anytime for that matter. I wanted to build a panic room that was just for us. I let the architect build an entire new basement, so I could avoid Maris' private quarters entirely.

Come to think of it, he did find a lot of animal bones down there. Maris' family used to breed Swedish Sheephounds, you know. A very refined race. She had told me how much her parents had loved the dogs. I hope she didn't mind me disturbing their eternal peace. Either way, I had given the bones a lovely new spot near the family mausoleum. I had the room completely decorated, with a kingsize bed, a closet full of clothes ,all brand new, of course, a bathroom and two years of food supply. The door could only be opened from the inside and I had the entrance completely sealed from the unknowing eye. Let those burglars come, or the apocalypse, for that matter! Maris and I would be safe and ready to re-populate the world!

She will come back tomorrow, I can't wait!

_TBC_


	2. Restless

_A/N Finally I have time for an update! Thanks so much for the support so far. _

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Niles

As I am writing this, I am slowly going insane. I expected Maris home last monday, but I have heard no word from her. This is not like her! Maris is always very punctual. What if she's been kidnapped! What if she's dead?! Maybe I should sweep the coy pond. Oh, I don't know! On top of that, these recent events have really been getting to me. I can't get this dream of this.. ghost lady.. out of my mind. I feel.. strange. paranoid. All the time. And the nights seem to frighten me the most. The terror creeps into me. My dreams are feverish nightmares of dead, hateful blue eyes staring at me, watching my every move. I wake up in cold sweat every morning, terrified to even open my eyes. I feel like I can't talk to anyone, like I'm hearing things that other people don't hear. Seeing things that other people don't see! That I'm going mad! I can't go mad, I'm a psychiatrist for heaven's sake! Where the hell is Maris?

The walls are closing in on me. How one can feel claustrophobic in a gigantic mansion is beyond me, but It's happening. Unable to stay in my own home any longer, I asked my brother Frasier to take me in for a couple of days. I had planned a few days off from seeing my patients anyway so I could celebrate Maris' return. Well, some celebration. I decided I'd better spend awaiting her return in the company of my family before I go completely mad. Their company will hopefully take my mind off things...

...

While I hoped things would be getting better, they are getting worse. I have been off work, spending all my time at Frasier's for three days now, and I'm not feeling any better. Sure, the paranoia is subsiding, even though that ghastly dead lady is still bothering me in my sleep, but I'm actually in pain now. I feel like my physical health is even suffering from this whole ordeal. How is that even possible? Either way, I have had this splitting headache for days now. My head was thumping and I swore this morning when I woke up I was running a fever. If it wasn't for Daphne's sweet support I don't know how I could have even managed to get out of bed. So I called in sick for the rest of the week and I had parked myself on Frasier's couch, munching aspirin and awaiting Maris' return. Where could she be?

After three days I have decided I was tired of waiting. How could she do this to me? She didn't even call me to tell be she would be late. For the first time since I can remember, I find myself feeling angry at Maris.

I took a lot of effort tracing the phone number of Maris' clinic: apparently it wasn't listed in the yellow pages, which didn't surprise me since Maris preferred all things exclusive. She left an unlisted number with Martha in case of emergency. It took me quite a while to convince her to give it to her. After all, Martha values Maris' peace and tranquility above all else. And so would I, if she had sent me a message of some kind. After a surprisingly long discussion Martha reluctantly agreed and gave me the number. It was of a place in a small town in California. I tried calling them all day, to no avail. Finally, at 7AM a woman with a surprisingly melodic and blurry voice answered the phone on the other side of the line.

_"Samedi 's rejuvenation clinic, good evening! Where can I help you with? Maris Crane? No, I don't know anyone...oh you are doctor Crane! I see.. well, no, we haven't heard from Mrs. Crane in over three days! What? No, it's not our policy to tell where our clients went, or any other personal situation. I am aware that you are her husband. I just.. No. No. Absolutely not! And don't bother calling us again. Goodnight, Dr. Crane!"_

Puzzled and even more worried I held on to the the horn for several minutes after the woman had hung up. My little search party had left me none the wiser. I'd better go to sleep.

...

I called her, again, for the 243th time this week. At least her phone's not switched off any more. Maris has no idea what she's putting me through. I never knew a person could feel anger like this. How could she? I am her husband for heaven's sake. She only cares about herself. How dare she! How dare she.. of course, I'll feel terrible if she ends up being found dead in a ditch somewhere and.. oh my God. My head.

Oh my, wait.. is she.. To my surprise, her majesty is actually answering the phone!

_"Maris Crane speaking"_

Her haughty voice sounded on the other end of the line, and I was suddenly too overjoyed to feel angry.

"Oh, darling! I am so happy to hear your voice. Are you OK? Where have they taken you? If they want money just say so, I'll give them anything just to get you back! Maris? Maris?"

_"Yes darling. What are you talking about?"_ Her voice sounded coldly on the other side of the line.

"You where missing! I expected you home last monday, and it's friday! Where you kidnapped? Did you fall in with a bad crowd at the clinic again?"

_"Oh no darling I did nothing of the sort. Why would you even think so? "_

"Well, I just expected you home three days ago and since you didn't leave a message you had me worried sick, I mean literally!"

_"Well, that's not my fault now is it? I just did some shopping in New York!"_

She what?

"You what? Why didn't you let me know? I was worried sick! I am your husband you know and you could have left a message. What the hell where you doing in New York that was so important?"

_"I was running low on supplies, my dear."_

I felt myself getting angry at Maris. Where did she get the right? She didn't even let me know where she went. I had been feeling miserable for days and she didn't even care! And this wasn't the first time this happens. She always walks all over me, she doesn't care about my opinion, she has terrible tantrums that are always my fault and... she never talks to me! I have always been surprisingly calm about this, why could I let her walk all over me? How could se!

"Supplies?"

_"Yes, of course darling. It was an absolute emergency. The latest make-up trends just came in from Paris, apparently pink is the new red. Plus I had heard of this delightful new Prada fur coat from Mimsy, custom made you know, and I just had to pop in there to get it! Could you imagine the dread I would face if she'd get a hold of it before me?"_

Typical Maris. Always thinking of herself. Never caring about others. Never caring about me!

"Well... I can't believe you didn't call me."

_"Why should I have called YOU?"_

And then, something snapped. I was tired of putting on a brave face, tired of pretending this did not bother me. She was being a horrible person to me and I could no longer stand it.

"Because I am your husband! Because you promised you'd be back monday and you weren't! Because you could have been dead!"

_"I will not tolerate this tone of yours, Niles. I have no obligations to you."_

"You should have! Do you even care about my feelings? Do you even care about how miserable I've been feeling in the last couple of days?"

_"I think I can explain it, but care? Frankly, no."_

before I even realized it, it was out:

"Well then, if you don't care about your husband, I want a divorce!"

"_You don't mean that." _she answered calmly.

"No, I don't but I can't stand the way you treat me! This is not because of this one fight, this is a long time coming! You always shut me out! And you always find some way to, to cloud my judgement of you! Well, it will not work anymore. I don't care how many layers of Creme Fraiche you will smear on your body for me to lick off, it just wont work!"

_"Niles. you are being delusional. Have you had your sherry yet?"_

"And what is that supposed to mean? You think, you think I'm a drunk? A drunk that you can push around and that will crawl back to you whenever you damn well please? Well, frankly, I haven't and I don't need it, I see things clearer than ever!"

I never knew I had so much rage in me.

_"I don't believe you do! I can tell you have been spending time with your brother. He's been getting into your head. And have you been eating well? I told you, you should stick to your diet and let Martha take care of you, but no.. you have to..."_

"I can take care of my own now." I snapped at her

_"I see. Yes things are getting very clear to me. Niles, shut up! You better apologize and come home."_

"I will do no such thing! I will stay right here. See you around, Maris." I said with a lump in my throat. I can't believe that after my outburst, after all the things I just said, I can't seem to get an emotional response from her.

_"Fine, whatever you want. But don't think you will get very far without me!"_ She answered and I finally heard some anger in her voice. _"How dare you even bring it up. I made you! You are everything you are, because of me. Without me you are nothing! And don't even think about other women. They won't be interested because alone you are but a shadow of a man! You are nothing, you pathetic leeching loser! And no, I will not grant you a divorce because I know you will come crawling back to me, mark my words! Who the hell do you think you are? You think that you can make it on your own? Well I would like to see you try. Goodbye, Niles."_

"Goodbye Maris." I managed with all the strength I had left.

_"And Niles? I will be watching you!"_

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_TBC_


	3. As The Weeks Go By

_A/N I am working on multiple chapters at the same time, trying to tie together all the strings that I am laying here. This and the following few chapters are still the preface of this story, and if things don't make sense now, they will in the end! (hopefully) Thanks again for the support!_

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Frasier

Though I knew she wasn't the easiest person to be married to, Niles' separation from Maris came as a total surprise for me. There is so much my brother doesn't tell me. The first few days when he was staying in my apartment, he seemed lost in his own little world, mainly worrying about Maris and frankly, I didn't really enjoy having him barging in and invading my privacy. But after a few days, he kind of grew on me. It was nice to do some bonding since it had been ages since we had the chance to do so. Mind you, I still think my brother is weird and I will never quite understand his decision to marry that ghastly shrew of a wife, but we are a lot alike, Niles and me. It was great having the splendid conversations we used to have as about wines and food and the finer things in life over a good glass of sherry, for old time's sake.

It wasn't until after his decision to start living separately from Maris that I started noticing his behavior. He seemed nervous, and I'm not talking about his normal OCD-like behavior that he insist is perfectly normal. Oh well. He was fidgeting in his chair, grabbing things and putting them back down and never ever sitting quite still. He started having headaches, asking for aspirin every half hour or so. His hand was shaking constantly, like you would see on a Parkinson patient. Now I don't like giving up my king-size bed for the likes of my little brother, but this convinced me that my brother had caught some kind of bug.

This, however, was only the beginning.

After seeing his nervous behavior with my own two eyes, I ordered my brother to bed. He resisted, insisting that he felt fine. I would have non-of it however. I lead him to my bedroom and gave him some of my pyjama's to borrow. I tucked my little brother in like a baby and it almost brought me to tears when I saw the helpless look on his face. I gave him some herbal medicine to calm him down a bit. It seemed to help since he fell asleep right after I gave it to him. An hour later, while I was tryin g to find some rest reading a good book on my sofa, I heard a terrible scream coming from my bedroom. I hurried back over there, only to see Niles sit right up in my bead, sweating like crazy. "Niles! Niles!" I yelled as I hurried over to him and shook his shoulders. He seemed to be looking right through me and the expression on his face was one of utter terror. _"She's here..."_ he whispered, while shaking like a leaf.

"Who's here?" I asked my poor little brother. _"the ghost lady... the lady with the blue eyes..She's here and she hates me! She hates me Frasier!"_ He pointed to a corner in my room. There was no one there. _"Help me! Don't come any closer please!"_ Tears streamed down my brother's cheeks. I hugged him and cried with him. The commotion had drawn Daphne's attention as well, and she rushed into the room. Seeing us, she rushed over to the bed and sat next to me. Normally, I would be embarrassed if Daphne saw me in a vulnerable state like that, but I just didn't care anymore. She looked at my brother and fell into his arms, holding him closely. That seemed to somewhat calm him down. After spending a minute or so in Daphne's arms, his body seemed to relax and he stopped crying. _"She left... she's gone...thank you Daphne"_ He whispered to her.

But all was not over. My brother went back to sleep after that ordeal, but then the vomiting started. He will be getting a bill for that wonderful Egyptian cotton sheet he ruined once he's better! He couldn't hold anything down for days, weeks maybe. Meanwhile, he was running a fever that was so high we almost had to take him to hospital. His angst-ridden fever-dreams kept all of us up all night. He was in so much pain and when he wasn't sleeping, vomiting, screaming or hallucinating he had his clear moments and in these moments he gave up on life altogether. I can't take this any more. Seeing my little brother, shivering and pale in my kingsize bed, talking about his bleak future alone and wailing what a terrible person he is. He's not, he really isn't, but whatever I try to cheer him up, he always brings it back to something he can blame on himself. Normally I would tell him to get over himself, but this was very disturbing.

Over the next few weeks, Dad, Daphne and I each took shifts watching Niles. I took most of them, since I was the doctor here and his fever and irregular heart rate troubled me. Christmas went by and he was still in bed and the new year had begun without him even noticing it before things finally started to clear up...

Daphne

I can't stand the sight of poor Dr. Crane suffering like that. He had been going to enough as it is with his separation from Mrs. Crane if you ask me. And it had been a drag for meself as well. Being a physical therapist, I could deal with his physical condition, that really wasn't the problem, although I could sense his embarrassment. Living in a house full of boozers, I was used to men wailing and hurling their guts out. No, it was Dr. Crane's mental condition that had me truly worried. At times, it was Dr. Crane himself that frightened me with his violent behavior but most of the times it was those strange delusions he was having. It all seemed so real to him and the fact that I couldn't see what he saw, that I couldn't understand, sent chills down me spine. I have me Grammy Moon's gift of clairvoyance you know, and I could just tell this man was fighting for his very soul. I wish I could do more than just be there for him.. something tells me this is no normal illness. It's taking too long. This is beyond a simple bug, beyond love sickness or whatever it is that may have caused this.

I took turns watching over Dr Crane, and after a while I started seeing change in his condition. It felt great to slowly see him recover. I felt like I was making a difference meself too. Whenever I was around, I just noticed a shift in his consciousness. He tried so hard to come out of his dreamworld, to be in the now, with me. After a while, he stopped hallucinating all together and even though the headaches and the fever where not gone yet, he started talking again. He looked out of his eyes more clearly and it felt like he was HERE again, he was living in the now.

We had many lively conversation while he recovered. His eyes sparkled like they never did before and I was delighted to see him happy again. But even with things looking up for Dr. Crane, I am worried about that's coming next. There is something in the air, something brooding on the horizon that I can't quite put my finger on just yet. Of course, Dr. Crane and his brother are very skeptical when it comes to my psychic abilities. Men of science and all that bugger. So I kept me mouth shut about it.

Martin

Niles is back!

It seems all he needed was to be cut loose from that shrew of a wife of his. Yes, and he was very sick and I was terrified but I don't want to be reminded of that right now. My boy is back! After spending a full two weeks in bed, he finally got up this morning and asked Daphne to bring him some juice. It was the first thing he had been able to keep down ever since he left Maris, it seemed. You know, I think their marriage is very, very weird but after seeing all this I am convinced that he does love her. After all, not everyone gets a physical reaction to love sickness...Was that what all this was about? Oh, I don't know, though it would be typical of Niles. He always has had his allergies, phobias, night terrors, etcetera. I just couldn't keep up with the list when he was a little boy. He always had something that was wrong with him. Nothing as bad as what I've seen in the last few weeks though. Not that I would know, I haven't seen much of him most of the time...

Boy, I'm so glad this is over. Niles has gotten up from bed and decided that he wants to stay separate from Maris for a while and therefore, will start looking for his own apartment. Having him here has been exhausting for all of us, but now, I feel sad to let him go. It was good living with both my boys under one roof again. I hope, with him separated from Maris and all, he'll make sure stop by every once and a while.

Niles

This is my first day of work again.

For the first time, I get to experience adult life without Maris. And it's turning out to be quite interesting. After my illness had worn off I started feeling better, physically of course, but also mentally. The dread I had felt ever since I had left Maris slowly started to wear off. I was still doubting my decision, but every conversation I have had with her lately convinces me that it's good we spend some time apart. My marriage has become stale and I just can't cope with Maris' unpredictable behavior any more. And even though she tells me I cannot make it on my own, I'm willing to challenge her on that. Or not. I know I'm a spineless ninny but I don't need her to tell me that so there!

I started spending more time with my brother and rented an actual bachelor pad! Oh, I know it's not really for me but it's just temporarily until something better comes along. And now I'm picking up my work again as well. I can't believe I'm saying this, but I am actually looking forward to seeing some of my patients again. After spending weeks in bed, I am only happy to stretch my psychiatric muscles again. The sooner I will be back to my normal routine, the better.

You may wonder why I'm so awfully chipper about all this. Well, I am kind of reluctant to talk about this but what the hell. I also started growing closer to Daphne as well and I suppose she has been able to lift my spirit in a way no one has done in a very long time. When I was recovering, we had some wonderful conversations about life and where we wished it would take us, but we could also make silly jokes and just laugh for hours. Now, when I come over, I don't even call Frasier beforehand to see if he's home. I'll just arrive unexpectedly and hope she's around, because we always have such a good time. I love cooking with her. After my recovery, I had a hard time getting back on my normal diet and she helped me with some light, easy to digest recipes that we would kook together. Meanwhile we would sing and crack jokes. We are such a great team in the kitchen. Or, let me rephrase that: we are such a great team.

If that was all I had to say about her, my reluctance would be unfounded. It's not, however. I am... attracted to her. Physically, and emotionally as well I suppose. Very, very attracted to her. When I was sick and she hugged me, the air would become clearer and she would chase away my demons, make me able to see the real world again. And to see her... Her smile makes the whole room light up and her touch sends shivers down my spine. And did I ever mention her hair? It's so beautiful and it smells divine...cherry bark and almonds... Lately, I have been fantasizing about kissing her. Sometimes, when we are in the kitchen she comes so close to me, and I can smell her hair and I could just reach out and touch her. Run my fingers through her hair, stroke her soft cheek as our faces come closer and until our lips meet and...OK I have to stop right there.

If only I could. But of course, I can't do that to her! I'm practically still married and she has been seeing this Joe - who is absolutely no good for her - but the point is, it's a bad idea and she will reject me, no doubt. These are dangerous thoughts, Niles.

Better focus on the task ahead: my practice, my patients. My life.


End file.
